< Back to Non Fiction notes

The Gentle Art of Verbal Self-Defense

How to recognize and properly handle verbal abuse



  1. Know when you’re under attack
  2. Know the type of attack
  3. Know the right defense
  4. Follow through with defense

Common Speaking Patterns (Satir Modes)

Recognizing verbal violence = Seeing the presuppositions, or hidden/implied meaning in a statement.

Basic defense strategy

  1. ID their Satir mode
  2. ID the presuppositions (PSP)
  3. Go into Computer mode
  4. Ask/remark about the PSPs
  5. Keep Computer mode

Overview of Common Attacks

“If you really X, you wouldn’t Y”

“If you really X, you wouldn’t want to Y”

“Do you even care about X?”

“Even an X should be able to Y”

Everyone knows why (you) X”

“A person who really X wouldn’t Y”

“Why don’t you ever X?”

Some X’s would Y if/when Z”